Preempting Life

In bridge, preempting is an attempt to prevent the opponents from bidding effectively – essentially, it is taking a chance that partner doesn’t have a good hand either and that by bidding higher right away, you’ll put yourself in a better position to score well. Life, however, isn’t a competition so you’re not trying to prevent anyone else from having anything but just trying to be prepared for the future changes that might or might not occur. Occasionally in bridge, it backfires and you go for -800 or so, occasionally you keep them out of game or slam or they get to the wrong strain, and sometimes it really doesn’t have much effect. In life, it can work the same way. Preempting life can sabotage the current state, make the future changes not so glorious, or it can help you move on to bigger and better things, or it can have no effect at all.

According to Merriam-Webster's dictionary, preempt has these definitions:

1) to acquire (as land) by preemption

2) to seize upon the exclusion of others

3) to replace with something considered to be of greater value or priority

4) to gain a commanding or preeminent place in

5) to prevent from happening or taking place

6) to make a preemptive bid in bridge

So, what does it mean to preempt life? I define it as planning ahead to have activities to fill certain voids in life in the near future that inevitably will be there when some current activity ends. This can include preparing for a new job before you quit the old one, making new friends in anticipation of a falling out with a current friend or a current friend’s move, planning a weekend visit somewhere to preclude being home and alone and bored, trying to get involved in another social activity after it gets to be too cold to play tennis, or trying to develop a new partnership with the anticipation that a current partnership is going to end.

We all do this to some extent, but I maybe take it to the extreme. To a point it is good to have new activities to take the place of old activities. They say the best way to get over something is to stay busy with other things. However, the best way to get over a girl is NOT to find another girl. That’s not fair to her and you’re unlikely to be genuine with her until well after the heartache is gone, which for me has been known to take 3 or 4 months but usually is less. So, while I do try to keep a steady flow of friends and bridge partners and different social and intellectual activities, that doesn’t apply to potential mates.

Recently, my good friend Ramesh moved from Atlanta to Hong Kong about 3 weeks ago. He is someone I could always count on to go out to a bar or to team trivia or to play a fun canapé-style of bridge. In anticipation of his departure, I had been and still am kind of seeking out new bridge partners, especially ones that are interested in canapé and who could also become a good drinking buddy, even if only online most of the time. Locally, that’s not happening as I’m “stuck” with Emory and Joel and Bob, who are actually quite clearly my three best partnerships – just not quite in my age bracket.

Also recently, I’ve been trying to preempt an anticipated dislike of living in Warner Robins by seeking out other things to get involved with (more online bridge and online socializing, writing, singing, acting, working more, traveling more) and also seeking out potential places to move. Having almost decided on Montréal as my next place to live, I started trying to preempt my potential loneliness there by trying to go ahead and make friends there.

In bridge, they say you shouldn’t preempt with a good hand because it inhibits your side from bidding effectively, something that is more important when you have the good cards. Much the same with life – you shouldn’t preempt when it is going well. Or should you? Should you always have a “backup plan ready to be put into action” or does that jeopardize the current state of goodness?