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Monday, May 18, 2015

Strawberry Chicken Girl


Let’s go back a few years and talk about strawberry chicken girl who I met on eHarmony. We started chatting in March 2009, and agreed to first meet at a Mercer baseball game sometime in late March. She flaked out and gave a list of things she was stressing about, but at least she let me know rather than just not showing up. Her immaturity was showing. Although I was only 3 years older at the time, I was far more mature. She was 21 and clearly an emotional wreck. Next time we did Outback Steakhouse and a movie on a Thursday and she showed up on time, freaking out about something. I paid for dinner and she paid for the movie, through which she texted almost nonstop. After the movie she complained that I didn’t say thanks for paying for the movie. She didn’t say thanks for buying dinner so we were kind of even, but not really because dinner was probably like $5 more but not important. We went to church and lunch together the following Sunday – nothing eventful.

I asked her out for the following weekend and she said only if I get her a strawberry chicken pie. Kind of a strange request but we’ve established this girl was kind of crazy. So what do I do? Invite her over and bake a pie with strawberries and chicken. Duh. As I recall, it wasn’t very tasty to me but she was really impressed. I never figured out if she seriously wanted that or was just kidding around or testing me to see if I’d actually do follow her request, but she got what she asked for.

After that date, which I thought went pretty darn well, she changed her facebook status to in a relationship… not with me. I should have dropped her at that point, but instead I asked her about it and she wrote back “I just need space and time away from you. You have hurt me over the past few days. I forgive you for upsetting me. however I just need space.” I gave her space and a couple days later, she seemed more sane and apologized: “I’m sorry how things have gone down, I had a huge test I was studying for. I sent some hurtful messages because I was emotional and stressed at that time. I know that you are a sweet guy who has feelings and I just ruined them for you. I hope you will accept my apology.”

I, of course, quickly forgave and moved to try to figure out when we would go out again. I’m often too quick to forgive someone for hurting me emotionally and often keep people in my life longer than I should. We went out one more time – to Starbucks where I helped her study for a linear algebra final.

The next week strawberry chicken girl had some guy call me and tell me to quit talking to her because I was supposedly so mean to her. She didn’t delete or block me from facebook, but I let this marinate for a couple of days before calling her up to try to figure out what the heck was going on. Was she seeing two guys and this other one stole my number because he wanted me gone or was she really sending him to end things with me or was she just a crazy person who doesn’t know what to do at all?

She responds via facebook message: “…I am sorry if I have done anything to you. I just want the best for you and to be completely honest I have no idea about you. I am a lost human and don’t know what I want with life. Saturday was fun and I’m glad I got to meet you… I am not going to be coming back to Macon next year and I just need to be closer to home in VA so I will only be in GA another week.”

For a lost girl who only saw me 4 times, that was a pretty nice way for her to end things. About two months later, strawberry chicken girl and I chatted on facebook a few times, and it was okay until we got into a discussion about politics. My very liberal and socialist views came out, and she would have none of it – deleted me from fb in an instant. Not so sane after all.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Revival of the Voyager Blog


I used to say that most of what I know about dating comes from How I Met Your Mother. But I’ve lived a little more over the last few years and gotten out there with more experiences of my own. I can’t say many if any have a good ending but they’ve been interesting and confirmed my belief that I know very little about dating.

It’s time to revive this blog. It’ll be now be more of my thoughts on dating and male-female relationships, both platonic and romantic, and I’ll try to anonymize most of the names so as not to call out specific people but rather hopefully entertain and share frustration and joy with you all.

I’m getting close to 30, still single, and still hate the whole dating process. But apparently it is a necessary part of living for anyone who wants to eventually get married and have a family. I still think the best way to find your mate is to not date at all but seek out good close friendships and work on developing close friendships, and have that gradually morph into romance over several months/years. It worked really well twice – for my two longest-lasting relationships. There’s an xkcd comic about that I often think about and relate to. http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/friends.png

Anyway, I have a lot of female friends I talk to on a regular basis who are quite clearly just good friends to me (I don’t maintain these relationships with the idea that they’ll become dependent and eventually fall in love with me but because they’re simply good companions), so you’d think I’d know better than most guys how girls think. That doesn’t seem to be the case. When I go out with a woman on something date-like I am often confused at the end of it.

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