Conflicting Rules

There are so many "rules" of dating and relationships that contradict each other.


"You should wait awhile to call/text her so that she starts to miss you" vs. "You should call her the next day or even later the same day because why wait to talk to someone you're interested in."


I don't wait and it frustrates me to wits end when people don't respond or respond slowly. I'm a busy person and have a lot of things to do and people to see so it's stressful to not know if/when someone will want to go out with me. Maybe I should change this, but if a girl is really gonna get upset about me texting/calling an hour after getting her number and after a good first outing, she's not the one for me. Especially in the world of bridge, waiting makes even less sense because we are often in close proximity for a week during a tournament and then it may be months before we are in the same city again. I've mentioned this before but in How I Met Your Mother, Barney advocates the 3 days rule or waiting 3 days between getting her number and texting/calling, but Ted has a much more sensible rule: "If you like her, call her." Barney is a player who for the most part didn't want a relationship while Ted is a romantic who only wants a serious relationship. I'm definitely like Ted.

"Be upfront about who you are from the beginning" vs. "Stretch the truth and hide the baggage until several dates later"

I've recently tried introducing myself as a pro bridge player instead of an engineer. That's not a lie as I do play pro occasionally, but it's stretching the truth because it makes up a very small part of my income. However, ladies seem more interested in me when I lead with that. I also claim to be from Atlanta, which again isn't a lie because I do own a condo in Atlanta, but it isn't where I spend most of my time. But beyond that, it just feels shady and wrong to portray yourself as something you're not.



"Invite her to casual low-pressure outings with others" vs. "Invite her on something that is unquestionably a date"

I like the low-pressure non-date dates but with no more than 4 total people.

"Go out of your way to agree with the girl or root for her team" vs. "Say what you really think - a little friendly debate is good"
If the date is going to watch a Duke-GT game and the girl is a big Duke fan, I'm not gonna cheer for Duke to be like her. We can have a friendly rivalry. Even if it's two teams I'm more or less netural toward, like if she's a Kansas fan and we are watching a KU vs. UK game, where I have only a slight preference for Kentucky because my dad went there, I'll still cheer for Kentucky.