When things go badly, I like to put a song on full volume and put it on repeat for awhile, and I have a few regular songs that I listen to for such times. Do you have a sort of ritual like this for dealing with anger? “Collide” by Dishwalla, “Schism” by Tool, and “Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet” by Relient K are three of my favorite songs to blast while I try to get unangry about something. These three songs all talk about hurting a loved one and vice versa. The first two make it seem like it’s inevitable that things would fall apart ("Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication" and "When I came here there was more. Now I've come back to destroy and I've got nothing left"). The main message of the Relient K song is “know I’ll always love you but right now I just don’t like you cause you took this too far.” Look these up next time you need some good sympathetic music.
Communication is hard, apparently. Many of us suffer from having a hard time telling people “No” or not giving them an explanation or discussion that they are entitled to. Yes, if your feelings toward someone who has been an important part of your life change or your circumstances require that to change, you do have an obligation to talk to them about it. Talking about the issue honestly is clearly a superior way to handle things than to ignore the person, lie to him, lead him on, pretend to not know what’s going on, or otherwise be unclear. And if you aren’t ready for a talk (because you are too confuzzled and don’t know what you want), tell them that and give them a timeframe for when you will be ready to talk. I know I’ve written about this before but in so many failed relationships and friendships, this is a common recurring problem and I'm definitely not entirely blameless.
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