Great Expectations

No, I'm not writing a review of the Charles Dickens book. I’m writing about personal expectations for life. We have a tendency to expect certain things from certain people and often times our expectations are too high, leaving us disappointed when the expectations don’t come true.

For me, this tends to happen only with people I am very close to or want to be very close to. I expect compliments about certain things, regular phone calls and emails, and other courtesies that wouldn’t be expected of an acquaintance. So, for a long time I kept getting frustrated because my expectations for how others treated me were not met. And it took a long time to grow out of that – to expect nothing from anyone. Sometimes it’s good to just embrace being an individual not dependent on anyone. So, for most of this year, that is how I’ve been. I have lots of acquaintances but no one I really have depended on. If someone says they’ll call back and they don’t, oh well. If someone ditched me last minute, oh well.

But this also leaves a lot lacking. We all need close intimate relationships – not necessarily a romantic relationship, but a couple of people we can depend on to lift us up anytime, to call us just to say hi, to spend time with on a daily basis. And I feel myself longing for that again. But I don’t know who to turn to for that kind of friendship. My best friend doesn’t have time to be the best friend that I need/want. Hopefully someone good will come my way. I just can’t go force it on someone. Things like developing close bonds are kind of unpredictable and if you try to mess with the ways of the world, it can easily backfire.

Pittsburgh in the Fall

Living in middle Georgia, I hardly get to experience fall weather and the changing color of the leaves. I mean, it does get colder and the leaves do turn orange a little bit, but it's not nearly as sectacular as further north. I had the opportunity to go to Pittsburgh last weekend and it was really amazing. I love the hills in and around the city and the beautiful bridges that are all over. I never imagines Pittsburgh to be a very nice city. The name and reputation as the steel city just sounds dirty and gloomy.

I probably went on the best possible weekend of the entire year. The leaves were at their peak colorfulness. The weather was gorgeous - sunny with highs in the low 60's. The city was alive and excited about their sports teams. Maybe it is that Pittsburgh doesn't have as much stuff overall going on as Atlanta or New York or Chicago, but the people are crazy about their sports. The Penguins played Friday and Saturday night and I got to go see the game Saturday, my first hockey game ever, in fact. They really stunk it up that night but I could really tell the fans are passionate about supporting their team. Saturday afternoon U Pitt hosted South Florida and Forbes St. around campus was lively with Pitt students' faces painted blue and gold. And the biggest game of all was Sunday when the Steelers hosted Favre and the Vikings at the beautiful Heinz Field. I was on Mount Washington during this game so I saw from a distance the crowd fullup the stadium and heard the crowd roar from across the river while eating a leisurely lunch and taking in the scenery.

Pittsburgh has a unique setting. There is a steep mountain some 500 feet high above the water, right along the south bank where the 3 rivers (Monongahela, Ohio, and Allegheny) meet. There are 2 inclines - steep railways that take you from the base to the top of Mount Washington - that are old and seem rickety. But it's actually very safe and it's the place to go if you go to Pittsburgh. There are several restaurants with views of the Pittsburgh skyline and the rivers and stadiums.

New York trip

I took a 3 day weekend to go to New York October 1-4. Mainly I was playing in a bridge tournament on Long Island with my friend Mila but I had to spend 1 day in the city. I have only been to NYC once previously. About a year ago I was on long island for work and I got to spend a couple of evenings in the city, but I didn't do much but walk around. This time, I did about the same and met up with a couple of friends, one in the Greenwich village area and one in Queens.

New York really feels like a foreign city. Kind of European but there are too many skyscrapers for Europe. And it seemed to me like there were more asians than I expected. But maybe its just the area I was in. I guess NYC is about how I would imagine Singapore. Yeah, that's it. Very dense population, mostly English speakers but there's a little of every language, lots of Asians. Does anyone else feel this way about NYC? I've been to all the major cities in the US - Chicago, San Francisco, Dallas, Atlanta, Washington, Boston - and NYC is the only one that doesn't feel American.

The cab system is kind of a mess once you get outside Manhattan. In Manhattan and parts of the othe burroughs, the trusty yellow cabs are all over. But in Jamaica and the more remote parts of Queens, yellow cabs are hard to find. Most cabs are gypsy cabs or cabs that aren't clearly marked. I don't know how legal they are but they are very common and by far the most efficient way to get to Laguardia airport from the Long Island Railroad. Further out in Suffolk County, cabs are run by dozens and dozens of different companies. These are marked and legal but there is no organization, no regulation for what cab fares should be. Most cars don't have meters and they charge whatever they feel like. I took a cab 3 times between the LIRR and the bridge tournament and was charged $6, $7, and $8. these cab drivers, mostly hispanics, wait at the train station and you tell them where you're going and they'll shuffle you around and take 2 or 3 different passengers at a time to their destination.

Communication With Friends

For those of you who actually know me and have ever planned or attempted to plan anything with me, you know that I am not very tolerant of people who always wait until the last minute and/or are unresponsive. In middle school and high school, I tended to be one of these people who didn't respond to people in a timely manner mostly due to being slightly anti-social. I didn't become a real functioning human being until I was in college. But once I decided I wanted to actually interact with people on a regular basis and had to arrange things on my own (in high school, social things were all built-in to my life due to baseball and tennis and school-related stuff), I became very responsive to others and considerate when responding to others. And I'm mainly talking about responding when asked to do something or when trying to plan some social event in the next few days/weeks. Be considerate. Don't leave me hanging for several days. Don't ignore me. Don't say you might want to do some activity when the chances you'll actually be bored enough to spend time with me is about .0001%. Don't be afraid to tell me no. I used to get upset with others for double-booking themselves and then having to cancel on me, but I found that I started doing that, too, because no one was really dependable. No one would stick to a plan. And that's how it was through most of college. But I actually had a lot of friends in college so I rarely couldn't find a friend that was being responsive when I wanted to be social. It was so frustrating, and this sort of irritation has been really bothering me a lot in the last few months. I guess I should cut such people out of my life or just learn to not rely on them as a friend but just someone who I may occasionally see, but that wouldn't really be like a friend because when we hang out would depend totally on them. And that isn't how it should be either. If you're my friend, sometimes call me or email me just to say hi.

When I moved to Warner Robins over 2 years ago, I found a friend, Hillery, who was like the ultimate friend to me. She was (and still is) fun to be around, made plans, let me know right away her status, so I had adequate time to make other plans, gave a good honest reason, and simply was more dependable than any other friend I have had. And I expect to be treated that way from all of my friends. While I did become closer to her than any previous friend, this consideration and dependability started even when we barely knew each other. I guess it's a college person's way of thinking - still enjoying the large amounts of freedom from being away from the parents - that leads people to be fickle social butterflies who only make last minute plans. I suppose people change when they get older and have to be more responsible.

Why Bother With Something Not Good Just Because It's Something?

During my large amounts of alone time the last couple of weeks, I have been watching lots of reruns on Veronica Mars, one of my favorite tv shows ever, which I was very sad they canceled after only 3 seasons. Anyway, the subject of this note is a line from Veronica Mars and is one of the many quotes that has stuck out in my mind lately.

We all have things we long for and voids in our heart we seek to fill. And sometimes we get so caught up in finding these things that we take the first thing that comes our way and lose focus of what it is we really are longing for. We may say to ourselves that we will spend time with this not-so-great thing until something better comes along. But we may soon find ourselves so caught up in this intermediate thing that when something better comes along we don’t realize it, or if we find something better, we realize that pursuing it, thus leaving behind and being unfair to the thing we used to just pass the time. Some people don’t even recognize the difference between what is good and not good. Is it better to be oblivious to that and probably be more content with life or to know what is good for you but don’t/can’t have?

Then there’s this other quote to live “like you were dying”, which to me means not to hold back anything. You only get one life so you better make the most of it. Maybe it’s just my interpretation but making the most of life means doing what seems fun right away – not waiting around for anything or anyone.

So is it better to have something not good than to have nothing? Does having something not good instead of nothing diminish the chances of finding something good later on? Does one or the other cause one to lower his/her standards and possibly lead to settling for something not good?

Introduction

At the young age of 24, I have traveled the world a great deal. By the time I was 15 I had been to 48 of the stated in the USA and over 20 countries. My country count is now around 30 and Alaska and Oregon are still left as the 2 states I have yet to visit. And I have lived in Georgia my whole life.

I'm starting this blog as a way to share some of my experiences, currently, as well as some of the more interesting adventures I have had in the past, from seeing the Berlin Wall shortly after it fell to going paragliding in Switzerland to visiting the coral beaches of the Philippines to the wineries in Napa, CA.

I've decided to write about my life experiences and relationship issues in an abstrct way as well, importing some old posts from my old xanga site to consolidate things. I have another blog, bridgemaniacs.blogspot.com for those of you who want to read about bridge.

A Whole New World, A New Fantastic Point of View

I know entirely too many people approximately my age getting married this year. It’s depressing. I go on a 2 ½ week vacation and when I get back 2 of my co-workers are just married and another is getting married next month. I want to get married. But there’s no one I can reasonably see myself getting married to any time soon. Or maybe I just want someone to live with and eat dinner with and just have someone I can always count on being able to hang out with and have fun together. I have a housemate now, but it’s still like I am living alone, just with an extra $450/month. I suppose a dog could fit those needs. But I don’t want that kind of responsibility yet. I have fish now, so if I can manage another couple of months without neglecting them, maybe I’ll be ready for a dog again, and then later on a human.

My trips to the Philippines and Berlin were very interesting and emotional to me. It was nice to see where my mom came from and to see all my family that is in San Nicolas and Laoag – way too many 2nd cousins for me to remember all the names after just a week or two! Just seeing the living conditions and general way of life in the Philippines was fascinating to me as well. I have been there 3 times before, but not as an adult able to get a good perspective on things. Back to the marriage thing – everyone kept asking me if I am married or if I have a girlfriend. At the end I said I would return to the Philippines on my honeymoon or in 3 years to find a wife, which ever is sooner. I don’t know how serious I was about that. Right now I am inclined to learn Ilocano and go back in November when Kitty and Auntiecelle go back because, while communication was a bit strained, I felt more relaxed, loved, and appreciated than I have in a long time.

I miss having a family nearby. I mean, I’ve always had my parents living fairly close to me, but never have I ever had any extended family that I could see enough to really get to know. Seriously, my aunt and uncle in Germany are the relatives I see most, and that’s for maybe 1 week in 2 years. I guess I would actually like to see my parents more frequently (but for shorter periods of time) than I do, but that would require us to be in the same city and I’m not about to move back to Valdosta. In 2008, I spent significant time with someone else’s extended family and it was great to sort of feel like I had a family here. That sort of dissipated and I reverted back to old habits, and then these 2 weeks with my extended family reminded me again how I’m missing out. Friends are fun and great but family are really the only people you can