Do we need to draw a line?

People need friends in all parts of life. We may say that going to bridge tournaments is mostly about playing cards but really it’s probably more about spending quality time with people you like. We may say that we joined a tennis team to play tennis but really what we probably care more about is the camaraderie. We may say that we work just to make money, but why we choose and stick with a particular job has more to do with the atmosphere, including the people we work with and for.

Relationships are hard, whether it’s boss-subordinate, pro-client, teacher-student, boyfriend-girlfriend, acquaintances, bridge partners, landlord-renter, friends with benefits, or friends who want benefits. Where do you draw the line between what’s appropriate and what’s not? Is it even necessary to draw such lines?

- Is going out drinking with your boss okay or should the boss-subordinate relationship stay within the office?

- Is going out for social activities with a client/student okay or should the pro-client/teacher-student relationship be kept to business?
- Is sharing a hotel room with someone of the opposite sex okay or is it taboo unless the two are dating or family? If one or both are married?
- Is renting a room/apartment to a friend okay or is it too dangerous to the friendship?
- If you are either paying or receiving money directly from someone, should you become friends with that person or does that money relationship make being friends not acceptable?
- Should you arrange social activities where your friends from different parts of your life meet or should you keep your groups separate?
- Should you try to set up your friends with people or should your friends’ finding other friends/dates be totally up to them?

I’ve had all such situations and have had few if any negative repercussions. I firmly believe the former (more liberal view) in each case is the way things should be and the way I have approached them my whole adult life. You can have a friendship or romance with anyone - how you met or what your jobs are shouldn’t really matter. Male-female friendships do work and can be healthy.

I talk about myself too much. What?

This dating story comes from earlier this year. I went to meet a friend and some of his friends for a walk on the beltline in the afternoon. I couldn't decide whether I should bring my dog or not and he said I definitely should because the girls like dogs.

So I met up with them at a patio bar and the whole group was I believe 4 girls and 4 guys (only one of which was a couple). We were there long enough for 2 beers and this one girl, let's call her Alice (not real name), was super interested in Winter (my dog, real name). Upon making moves toward dinner, Alice and Winter and I walked together well behind the group and were getting along well. At dinner, we tied Winter to the fence next to our table and Alice was responding to everyone's requests to pet her and pretty much had claimed the dog as her own. After dinner, the rest of the group went inside and it was just us again and she talked more and more, which is totally fine by me. I wanted to get some more words in but she was doing well by herself with my adding an occasional follow up question or quick joke.

After awhile we walked back up the beltline and I dropped her off at her apartment and asked for her phone number. Things seemed great. It may have been the dog that initially attracted her but by the end of the night she seemed genuinely interested in me as well.

The next day, I called her at about 10am because I don't believe in waiting and our specific situation was such that it would be two weeks before I would be in Atlanta again so it seemed appropriate. Anyway, we agreed to a lunch date at another patio restaurant along the beltline and of course I brought the dog. Lunch was fine, conversation was good, and I probably made a bit more effort to share more about myself since the night before she did at least 90% of the talking. This day it was close to 50-50. Lunch lasted over two hours and like the day before, I walked her home and kissed her.

We exchanged a couple of texts over the next week until I tried to arrange another date and she said no. Being someone who wants to learn from experiences, I asked her why not and she said it's because I talked too much about myself. Wtf? No one has ever said that to me. People consistently get the exact opposite impression from me - that I don't say enough, that I'm too reserved.

Oh well.

Conflicting Rules

There are so many "rules" of dating and relationships that contradict each other.


"You should wait awhile to call/text her so that she starts to miss you" vs. "You should call her the next day or even later the same day because why wait to talk to someone you're interested in."


I don't wait and it frustrates me to wits end when people don't respond or respond slowly. I'm a busy person and have a lot of things to do and people to see so it's stressful to not know if/when someone will want to go out with me. Maybe I should change this, but if a girl is really gonna get upset about me texting/calling an hour after getting her number and after a good first outing, she's not the one for me. Especially in the world of bridge, waiting makes even less sense because we are often in close proximity for a week during a tournament and then it may be months before we are in the same city again. I've mentioned this before but in How I Met Your Mother, Barney advocates the 3 days rule or waiting 3 days between getting her number and texting/calling, but Ted has a much more sensible rule: "If you like her, call her." Barney is a player who for the most part didn't want a relationship while Ted is a romantic who only wants a serious relationship. I'm definitely like Ted.

"Be upfront about who you are from the beginning" vs. "Stretch the truth and hide the baggage until several dates later"

I've recently tried introducing myself as a pro bridge player instead of an engineer. That's not a lie as I do play pro occasionally, but it's stretching the truth because it makes up a very small part of my income. However, ladies seem more interested in me when I lead with that. I also claim to be from Atlanta, which again isn't a lie because I do own a condo in Atlanta, but it isn't where I spend most of my time. But beyond that, it just feels shady and wrong to portray yourself as something you're not.



"Invite her to casual low-pressure outings with others" vs. "Invite her on something that is unquestionably a date"

I like the low-pressure non-date dates but with no more than 4 total people.

"Go out of your way to agree with the girl or root for her team" vs. "Say what you really think - a little friendly debate is good"
If the date is going to watch a Duke-GT game and the girl is a big Duke fan, I'm not gonna cheer for Duke to be like her. We can have a friendly rivalry. Even if it's two teams I'm more or less netural toward, like if she's a Kansas fan and we are watching a KU vs. UK game, where I have only a slight preference for Kentucky because my dad went there, I'll still cheer for Kentucky.

Reset of expectations

Cristal used a phrase I really liked the other day: she said that throughout the course of relationships and friendships, a reset of expectations is necessary. She and I have been good friends for a several years now and haven’t had any such reset of expectations – I guess we just see the world and our friendship the same way. Expectations are a big thing. She and I get maybe 4 blocks of time together each year, mostly 3-5 days at bridge tournaments and have consistent communication the rest of the year, never more than a couple of days between conversations. With most people, however, one or other usually wants more contact than the other.

If we expect someone to talk to every day but the other person wants only once a week, there’s a problem. If one person wants someone to confide in but the other wants to just be a fair weather friend, there’s a problem. If one person wants to date and the other wants to be platonic, there’s a problem. And just because we may want different things at a particular time does not mean that we can’t change our expectations to align better. These differences can be overcome and change over time, and I think in general we should try to overcome them, but it requires clear communication about what you want/don’t want/like/dislike about the relationship.

To reset expectations, a conversation might go like:

"I feel like I am always the one initiating things..are you really in with their friendship or are you just joining sometimes when you happen to have nothing to do."

"Yeah, I know man. I'm a little busy to try to plan a lo I'll try."

"Alright. Well I'm clearly most vested in this than you are so I'll not bug you as much and wait for you to.suggesr something"

Or

"We've been good friends for awhile but I feel like you're wanting more and I can't really give more."

"Yeah, things are a little complicated with work/wife/girlfriend and I need to figure that out and let it settle.down,"

"Alright, let's take a little break and then talk again when you've got things figured out so that feelings for me don't cloud your judgment."

I am not one to give up on people. Once I decide I want you are a bone fide friend, I’ll work like heck to keep you. I’ll have your back, I’ll debate with you and complain to you and ask you about your feelings and tell you about mine, and it’s all out of care and wanting fewer but closer friendships/relationships rather than more shallow ones.

When there’s conflict, I want to talk about it and work through it, and I believe it is the healthy mature thing to do as it builds deeper more meaningful relationships with others. In the last few years, I’ve come across several people who run from conflict, who run from relationships and friendships over seemingly a small disagreement. I’ve had people completely cut me off with no explanation or discussion, and I don’t understand this lack of an effort to resolve things or at least end on agreeable terms. One bad night or misstep should hardly be more than a bump in the road.

Crazy Girl with Twins

I think this story is also from 2009. One of my female tennis friends, with whom I always had a strictly platonic relationship and who was in the process of getting a divorce, would once or twice a week go out for some drinks at a local bar, sometimes alone but sometimes with a couple others, often after a tennis match for one or both of us. Someday she started inviting her friend Crazy Girl With Twins, recently divorced.

Okay, so now I had two women now to be my wing woman and help me figure out how to get back in this whole dating thing. In return, I provided emotional support for them through a rough time and maybe a different perspective on things than they are used to hearing. It’s pretty clear that I wasn’t interested in either of them, I think. The one who was initially my friend got it, and I think eventually hooked up with one of my single friends who sometimes came out to the bar, but I’m not sure. Both of them had sons who were about equally younger than me as they were older than me, and many of our conversations were about strawberry chicken girl and other girls I was interested in or thought I might be interested in.

Anyway, out at the bar alcohol loosens people up and brings out emotions that we sometimes repress. She (the twins girl) flirts, I flirt back, we danced a bit, all just for fun – there’s no way she thinks this is going anywhere. I’ve said so explicitly: I do not want to be with someone who has kids, certainly not someone with three kids, one of whom is a teenager. That’s kind of a deal breaker to me, right behind smoking as the top deal breaker. Today I could probably handle someone with a kid, but I’m wiser and older and there are many fewer women my age without any baggage. Eventually I reject her advances that go further than just flirting and dancing publicly.

A couple of weeks pass with nothing happening and some weeknight we wind up chilling on my back porch with both the legit friend and the crazy girl with twins. Methinks the latter was just tagging along because she wanted to try to hook up with me again. The friend calls it a night and I expect the other to go as well but she insists on staying, which I was not a fan of but I try to be supportive and listen to her complain about her life because I’m a good listener/friend even to women I don’t want to date. 30 minutes later I insist on taking her home even though she’s all for a sleep over. The next few days I deal with her begging me to go out with her, and I tell her no the way I prefer girls tell me – clear and direct rather than ignoring or beating around the bush. The next week she starts texting me again and blaming me for letting things go so far. Hmm.

Strawberry Chicken Girl

Let’s go back a few years and talk about strawberry chicken girl who I met on eHarmony. We started chatting in March 2009, and agreed to first meet at a Mercer baseball game sometime in late March. She flaked out and gave a list of things she was stressing about, but at least she let me know rather than just not showing up. Her immaturity was showing. Although I was only 3 years older at the time, I was far more mature. She was 21 and clearly an emotional wreck. Next time we did Outback Steakhouse and a movie on a Thursday and she showed up on time, freaking out about something. I paid for dinner and she paid for the movie, through which she texted almost nonstop. After the movie she complained that I didn’t say thanks for paying for the movie. She didn’t say thanks for buying dinner so we were kind of even, but not really because dinner was probably like $5 more but not important. We went to church and lunch together the following Sunday – nothing eventful.

I asked her out for the following weekend and she said only if I get her a strawberry chicken pie. Kind of a strange request but we’ve established this girl was kind of crazy. So what do I do? Invite her over and bake a pie with strawberries and chicken. Duh. As I recall, it wasn’t very tasty to me but she was really impressed. I never figured out if she seriously wanted that or was just kidding around or testing me to see if I’d actually do follow her request, but she got what she asked for.

After that date, which I thought went pretty darn well, she changed her facebook status to in a relationship… not with me. I should have dropped her at that point, but instead I asked her about it and she wrote back “I just need space and time away from you. You have hurt me over the past few days. I forgive you for upsetting me. however I just need space.” I gave her space and a couple days later, she seemed more sane and apologized: “I’m sorry how things have gone down, I had a huge test I was studying for. I sent some hurtful messages because I was emotional and stressed at that time. I know that you are a sweet guy who has feelings and I just ruined them for you. I hope you will accept my apology.”

I, of course, quickly forgave and moved to try to figure out when we would go out again. I’m often too quick to forgive someone for hurting me emotionally and often keep people in my life longer than I should. We went out one more time – to Starbucks where I helped her study for a linear algebra final.

The next week strawberry chicken girl had some guy call me and tell me to quit talking to her because I was supposedly so mean to her. She didn’t delete or block me from facebook, but I let this marinate for a couple of days before calling her up to try to figure out what the heck was going on. Was she seeing two guys and this other one stole my number because he wanted me gone or was she really sending him to end things with me or was she just a crazy person who doesn’t know what to do at all?

She responds via facebook message: “…I am sorry if I have done anything to you. I just want the best for you and to be completely honest I have no idea about you. I am a lost human and don’t know what I want with life. Saturday was fun and I’m glad I got to meet you… I am not going to be coming back to Macon next year and I just need to be closer to home in VA so I will only be in GA another week.”

For a lost girl who only saw me 4 times, that was a pretty nice way for her to end things. About two months later, strawberry chicken girl and I chatted on facebook a few times, and it was okay until we got into a discussion about politics. My very liberal and socialist views came out, and she would have none of it – deleted me from fb in an instant. Not so sane after all.

Revival of the Voyager Blog

I used to say that most of what I know about dating comes from How I Met Your Mother. But I’ve lived a little more over the last few years and gotten out there with more experiences of my own. I can’t say many if any have a good ending but they’ve been interesting and confirmed my belief that I know very little about dating.

It’s time to revive this blog. It’ll be now be more of my thoughts on dating and male-female relationships, both platonic and romantic, and I’ll try to anonymize most of the names so as not to call out specific people but rather hopefully entertain and share frustration and joy with you all.

I’m getting close to 30, still single, and still hate the whole dating process. But apparently it is a necessary part of living for anyone who wants to eventually get married and have a family. I still think the best way to find your mate is to not date at all but seek out good close friendships and work on developing close friendships, and have that gradually morph into romance over several months/years. It worked really well twice – for my two longest-lasting relationships. There’s an xkcd comic about that I often think about and relate to. http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/friends.png

Anyway, I have a lot of female friends I talk to on a regular basis who are quite clearly just good friends to me (I don’t maintain these relationships with the idea that they’ll become dependent and eventually fall in love with me but because they’re simply good companions), so you’d think I’d know better than most guys how girls think. That doesn’t seem to be the case. When I go out with a woman on something date-like I am often confused at the end of it.

Taxes and Fees on Airfares

A week ago, on January 24, 2011, a new law went into effect that requires airlines and travel companies to include certain taxes and mandatory fees in the listed air fare price. This is one way the airlines can no longer nickel and dime us – or at least they'll be up front about it. For years, airlines have added little fees here and there including fees for checked bags, priority boarding, exit row or bulk head seats, and in-flight meals, things that a decade or two ago you would assume are included in your air fare.

 

Budget airlines such as Spirit, Jet Blue, and Southwest, used to advertise flights for ridiculously low prices. When you go to book the flight, you soon realize that the actual cost doubled because of taxes and airport fees. In the end, they are often a tiny bit cheaper than mainstream airlines like Delta and American but can't provide the he discounts that they want you to think they can provide. If you see a flight advertised as $120, it had better be $120, not $120 plus federal tax, plus facility charges, plus security fees, plus gasoline surcharges.

 

In theory, advertising just the base fare price is in line with the rest of the way the American economy works – in almost everything else, we see prices before tax is added. The difference is that airline taxes are a lot more than sales tax and can even vary a lot depending on your destination. In practice, having to click through a couple of pages to see the real price is annoying. Most travelers want to see the final price, including all mandatory fees and taxes, from the beginning.

 

The new law only requires companies to include mandatory charges in the advertised fares. You can still see the breakdown of the charges and the vast majority of people see this as less misleading. Consumers don't care how you get to the grand total or how the total is divided up between the airline, airports, and government; they just care about what the total is. I'm all for simplifying things and having one all-inclusive price is a step in the right direction. Nonetheless, Spirit Airlines has a giant notice on their website stating: "Warning! New government regulations require us to HIDE taxes in your fares. This is not consumer-friendly or in your best interest. It's wrong and you shouldn't stand for it." Remind me to never fly Spirit Airlines.

 

Here is the breakdown of a Spirit Airlines flight from Atlanta to NYC-Laguardia for President's Day weekend.

Price                      186.28

Fuel                       77.82

Facility fee          18.00

Usage fee           33.98

Segment fee      15.20

Security fee        10.00

Unintended consequences of DOT regulations  4.00

Total                      345.28

 

Previously that would have shown up as $93 (for a one-way fare) but now they have to list it as $173.

Compare this to an equivalent ATL-LGA flight in Delta.

Base fare             258.00

Facility fee          9.00

Segment fee      7.60

Security fee        5.00

Total                      279.60

 

Okay, it's not exactly a fare comparison because Spirit doesn't fly directly from Atlanta to New York but Delta does. Nonetheless, you can see how the way Delta previously advertised this flight as $129 (for a one-way flight) is much less misleading than the way Spirit advertised it. What the heck is a usage fee and unintended consequences of DOT regulations? And shouldn't fuel be included in the base fare?

Then/Than

I had not realized that people had trouble distinguishing between 'then' and 'than'. In the last week, I recall at least 3 times that I have seen someone write then when they mean than. The most surprising was actually on one of my favorite blogs, Kissing Disasters: "I liked the guy more then he liked me." Grrr. I get it that in speech sometimes we say than with an e sound probably because it just flows better but this is stuff we learn in 2^nd grade, right? Please use proper grammar. I will judge you and think less of you if you don't.

That is all.

I'm officially a Mercer grad student

Well, I'm officially registered for my first graduate level course. It's a special topics EE course on robotics at Mercer. I didn't do so well in the robotics course I took at Georgia Tech, but at that point it was an extra class and I had major senioritis. This one ought to be easier and my motivation level should be higher than it was in spring 2007 – having to repay the $2500 tuition/fees if I don't make an A or B sounds like a good motivator.

 

I've been putting off this whole grad school thing for awhile despite people telling me for years that I should. This year, the Air Force upped the tuition assistance from 75% of tuition (and 0% of the additional fees) to now paying 100% of tuition and fees. That and the likelihood of getting to play in one more junior bridge event put me over the edge to fight through the paperwork and get registered. The world university bridge championships, open to people in college between people 18 and 28 years old is in Reims, France in July 2012. This is the competition that I went to in Poland in 2008. Reims is half way between Metz and Paris, an area I once knew well, and it has been too long since I spent some quality time in France.

 

The course is just 3 hours per week on Wednesdays and finishes early enough that I still would just barely be able to play bridge Wednesday nights in Macon. That's a game I rarely attend anyway so more likely is that I'll go to a bar after class most days. At the very least, taking courses at Mercer might open up more good places I can meet people – work, bars, tennis courts, and bridge tournaments have not exactly been the greatest of places to meet women. But maybe not – I will still be in engineering classes and only 3 people have registered for this course so far. And if I do wind up finishing with this master's degree in Engineering Management (at the rate of 1 course per semester it might take a few years), it might qualify me for other management positions if and when I decide to change careers.

Shopping and Ordering Online

A month or so ago, I was at a hotel with a friend and we wanted to order a pizza at about midnight. We had noticed a pizza place across the street – not even across the street but just across the parking lot – but ordering from them would require going outside, and it was a cold and rainy night. Neither of us wanted to go outside. Furthermore, neither of us wanted to call to place an order. Online ordering is so much easier and this restaurant didn't have a nice easy website to let you place an order. Therefore we took our business to Papa John's, which was a few miles away, and paid the delivery fee. It's not that we cared about the quality from one place over the other – they're pretty much equivalent.

 

 Yes, I choose where I spend my money based on the website. If a company has no website, they will get none of my business. If a company has online ordering while a competitor does not, the one with online ordering (or online bill pay) will almost always get my business. I have yet to find a doctor that lets you schedule appointments online, but if there is one, I will transfer there because calling is such a nuisance. I'd prefer the flexibility of using an app on my phone, hardly even functions as a phone anymore.

 

What reminded me of this was the post on the Dilbert blog today about the hassles of online shopping. On one hand, I wholeheartedly agree with him – the promo codes and various discounts and popup ads and websites that weren't designed by someone as smart as me, and various browser features that try to remember your information but don't do it well are getting to take too much time and be too complicated even for me. On the other hand, I generally have time and patience to deal with computer stuff and all the hoopla does make things cheaper if you know what you're doing (and I do).

 

online > in store > telephone

Asbury Computer Rankings heading into Championship weekend

For the season, my computer is 76.9% at picking the winner (in games involving a top 25 team) while the official spread is at 80.1%. However, my computer beats the spread 53.2% of the time. Over the years, my computer has consistently beat the spread - 51.1% in 2009 and 52.9% in 2010 - so if you want to bet on games, my picks look like a good bet.

My computer is predicting a close SEC championship game, LSU over UGA 28-24. Oregon over UCLA by 15,Wisconsin over Michigan State 31-24, and Virginia Tech over Clemson 33-20.

Rankings headed into Rivalry games

Somehow I don't feel like writing much but these rankings are messed up, at least compared to popular opinion. After 4 teams ranked in the top 7 lost, the SEC has the top 3 spots in the BCS but in my computer, those teams are #1, 4, and 13.

 

So, who's going to win the Thanksgiving week games. Even though I'll be playing bridge at the NABC, I should still be able to see GT vs. UGA, a noon start, which means it'll be 9am in Seattle.

Georgia 31, @Georgia Tech 25

@LSU 31, Arkansas 22

@Nebraska 28, Iowa 27

@South Carolina 31, Clemson 27

Florids State 26, @Florida 23

@North Carolina 33, Duke 20

@Michigan 31, Ohio State 17

Alabama 31, @Auburn 19

@Stanford 34, Notre Dame 27

@Oregon 41, Oregon State 20

@Wake Forest 27, Vanderbilt 25

Virginia Tech 24, @Virginia 21

OkSt and LSU Undisputed #1 and 2

Oklahoma State still tops the Asbury computer ranking. With Boise State and Stanford departing from the ranks of the unbeaten, my computer took a slight divergence from the BCS. Other notable games in week 11 were VT getting off to a slow start but coming up with several big 3rd down passes to beat GT 37-26, Clemson needing a late 4th quarter comeback to beat Wake Forest, and Nebraska topping Penn State during the aftermath of the Penn State scandal.

Michigan, a team that has been overrated by my computer all season, went up 3 spots to #8 despite being only #18 in the BCS. Penn State is similarly overrated, coming in at #14. Texas and Florida State, 23 and 25 in the BCS, meanwhile don't even make my top 30.

Apparently some people have gotten the impression that my computer predicts scores that are too close, but really I only put games that are most interesting on here. However, to show that my computer does indeed expect some blowouts, here goes.

@Alabama 42, Georgia Southern 7
LSU 38, @Mississippi 10
@Oregon 38, USC 27
Kansas State 30, @Texas 28
@Georgia 35, Kentucky 14
@Michigan 28, Nebraska 23
Georgia Tech 35, @Duke 21
@Wake Forest 35, Maryland 17
@Florida State 30, Virginia 19
@Virginia Tech 31, North Carolina 20

Week 11 rankings

In baseball, I love pitching duels – those 2-1 and 3-1 ball games where offense is hard to come by – so it only makes sense that I would like low-scoring football games. I enjoyed watching the Alabama-LSU game last Saturday despite having no real interest in who wins. Knowing that every little score mattered and that field position would be important makes it more interesting than say, the Oklahoma State-Kansas State or South Carolina-Arkansas games going on at the same time. So, while my teams of interest were off, LSU and Oklahoma State squeaked by, Arkansas won in a more convincing fashion, and there wasn’t really anything else noteworthy in college football in week 10.

Here’s how my computer has the teams ranked through ten weeks. Not surprisingly, Oklahoma State is #1 again. I only see a couple of screwy things, most notably South Carolina (7-2) is 4 spots ahead of Arkansas (8-1) despite Arkansas beating them by 16 last weekend.

 

This Thursday I’ll be at the Georgia Tech-Virginia Tech game. The winner is almost assured of playing in Charlotte for the ACC championship against Clemson. The official spread is GT by 1, which surprised me. My computer has them at a virtual tie, Virginia Tech by .05.

For the season, my computer has picked the winner correctly 78.3% of the time (in top 25, ACC, and SEC games) and beaten the spread 50.4% of the time. Last year, my computer beat the spread 52.9% of the time. Here are some predictions for this week.

Virginia Tech 26+, @Georgia Tech 26

@Notre Dame 28, Maryland 16

@Florida State 28, Miami 23

@Georgia 33, Auburn 23

@Clemson 37, Wake Forest 23

@Kansas State 35, Texas A&M 31

@Boise State 36, TCU 26

@Stanford 34, Oregon 30

Boise State solidly at #2 in the Asbury Computer

With 4 weeks left in the regular season, there are few things that people can agree on but one is that Alabama and LSU are the two best teams so far. They play each other Saturday night and may well still be ranked 1 and 2 in the polls after that. Computers don't seem to give them as much credit. And it's not just my computer program - it's the computers used in the BCS calculations, too. All but one of those computers puts Oklahoma State at #1.

Georgia and Georgia Tech are now pretty much tied with their 6-2 marks. Georgia Tech beat Clemson 31-17 and played far better than they did in the previous 2 losses to Virginia and Miami. I'm told Georgia looked like the far superior team in the 24-20 win over Florida. At the bridge tournament Saturday, I tried to bet a Clemson fan that they would beat Tech by at least 2 touchdowns but he smartly didn't take me up on that bet.

Boise State's opponents currently have a 31-25, which is awfully good considering Georgia is the only decent team they have played, but hopefully that will drop their strength of schedule down to where it actually should be around 90th to 100th toughest out of 119.

This week there really aren't many interesting games on tap with all 3 ranked ACC teams being off and Georgia pretty much being off. Actually, there are 3 games with top 15 teams playing each other, all at night. Here's what my computer predicts.

@Alabama 24, LSU 23
@Oklahoma State 42, Kansas State 24
@Arkansas 27, South Carolina 26
Notre Dame 32, @Wake Forest 24

Why should everyone seek more lucrative jobs

There is no doubt that Steve Jobs was a great engineer and a great businessman but a few weeks ago, just a few days after his death, I linked on my facebook to an article saying he was a bad role model. At the time I didn’t know quite whether I agreed or thought it was BS. The article on forbes.com said basically that he was arrogant for not following his doctors’ recommendations and that he gave bad advice for people to follow what they love, not settle, and keep looking for what they love until they find it, quoting him from a famous Stanford commencement speech.

 

I’m all for making kids feel good about themselves and encouraging people to try hard but in a way this is giving false hope to the masses. For Jobs, yes, he was successful and found a job he loved, but for the vast majority of people, even Stanford grads, we won’t find the ideal job or ideal spouse, and looking tirelessly for it would cause most of us frustration and unhappiness.

 

It’s one thing to tell a 6 year old that he can grow up to be a professional baseball player if he wants to and works hard at it. It’s another thing to tell a 16 year old C student that he can become a doctor or to tell engineers as a whole that they should get a master’s degree and pursue a promotion to management. We shouldn’t be encouraging people so much to work highly skilled positions, thereby making the laborers and even the engineers who have held the same decent position for 20 years feel like second class citizens.

 

I’ve always felt that Americans encourage people to get higher education and strive to get promotions entirely too much to the point that it is unrealistic for many people. Many people are better off not going to college or not going to grad school or not pressuring themselves to get a promotion – after all, along with more money, promotions mean more responsibility and more headaches and the majority of us would not be happier or couldn’t handle those jobs.

 

In Jobs’ famous commencement speech, Jobs says “the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do” but if we are telling people they need to keep striving for bigger things and searching for their ideal job, only a small fraction of the people will love what they do. People need to be happy with their job so I think we should focus more on encouraging people to learn to like what they do rather than striving for the ideal – how to be satisfied with your current job as a salesman or engineer or clerk rather than being told time and time again that in order to be successful and happy, you have to be a manager or executive. There are relatively few managers in the world.

 

I’ll leave you with a line from a Sheryl Crow song: “It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.”

That 6-0 start seems like such a distant past

Georgia Tech has lost 2 in a row and has Clemson and Virginia Tech next. They looked pretty terrible yesterday but I think we all knew they weren't a top 10 team. Today, however, was a good day as the Falcons beat the Lions and Matt Stafford. And Calvin Johnson still had a good game, which makes me happy.

Apparently my computer rankings are much more in line with the BCS computers than with the voters with Oklahoma State #1, Oregon and Stanford significantly lower than the polls. I really don't see how Boise State could have the 45th toughest schedule but I'm pretty sure all the kinks of that are gone. the other strength of schedules seem about right, so maybe it'll improve as Boise plays more weak teams.

So, since plans to go to GT homecoming against Clemson fell through, I'll be at a bridge tournament and probably will get to see the last quarter of the game - hopefully it will still be a game.

For the 4th straight week, Wake Forest is expected to win.

Clemson 37, @Georgia Tech 27
@Florida State 31, NC State 27
Wake Forest 28, @North Carolina 27
Georgia 28, Florida 20
South Carolina 33, @Tennessee 17
@Kansas State 31, Oklahoma 30
@Oklahoma State 47, Baylor 30
Michigan State 28, @Nebraska 26
Wisconsin 30, @Ohio State 24
Virginia Tech 31, Duke 17
@Miami 31, Virginia 18

Who would win today: UGA or GT?

On the drive up to Athens Saturday morning, I was listening to 790 the Zone and they were having an informal poll of callers guessing who would win between the Bulldogs and Yellow Jackets if they played today on a neutral field. I was quite surprised that nearly everyone picked the Yellow Jackets. I didn't even agree with that. Yes, I thought, and still think, that UGA would and will beat Tech. Both teams struggled a bit this weekend but Georgia managed to survive with a win while Tech couldn't muster up quite enough offense against the Wahoos. Teams who have a bye week before playing Tech continue to have significantly more success than teams who only have 1 week to prepare. It's no coincidence - the extra week helps more against Paul Johnson's abnormal offense than it does against other teams.

Anyway, here are the new rankings, including half of the SEC in the top 25. Oklahoma State is at the top, way ahead of #2 Oklahoma. Michigan State (5-1) beat my previous #1 Michigan but still is at only #31.

My computer doesn't think there will be many good games next week - out of all of the top 25 teams, my computer's spread is at least 6 in every game. But after my tennis league and a nap, I'll be watching Clemson-UNC and then GT-Miami and Auburn-LSU.

Week 8 computer predictions:
@LSU 34, Auburn 17
@Oklahoma 43, Texas Tech 26
Wisconsin 28, @Michigan State 21
@Clemson 33, North Carolina 23
Georgia Tech 33, @Miami 27
Wake Forest 31, @Duke 24
Arkansas 37, @Mississippi 17
@Florida State 34, Maryland 21

Modern dating: texting and online dating

Dating is really annoying.  But it’s kind of exciting. We all know there are tons of people out there who are looking for someone not unlike us but the trick is finding said person. For those of us in college or working in the service industry, there are plenty of opportunities to meet people. I am only imagine how often a decent-looking bartender gets asked out. But for those of us with office jobs that are predominantly male and hobbies that tend to not attract many potential mates, it’s difficult.

Every time I see a commercial for eHarmony.com or match.com, they say that 1 in 5 or so relationships now starts online. Despite being an engineer and addicted to facebook, the idea of meeting someone online has never really appealed to me. Nonetheless, I have an eharmony account. In the first couple months of 2009, I met 2 young ladies through there and had 3 or 4 dates with each. I wasn’t actually all that interested in either of them and discontinued using eharmony after 3 months, in favor of attempting to go out to bars and meet ladies there more often. 2 months ago I renewed my eHarmony account and 3 people have survived the multiple choice and short answer part only for me to then close but one I chose to actually send a personal message to. She was a recently graduated law student and had tons in common and after exchanging several emails (through eharmony), she suddenly closed the match –immediately after sending me a nice long message about how she is obsessed with Asian cultures and wants to play tennis. So, that’s it. I can’t respond anymore and I’ll never know what she was thinking or what she suddenly realized unless she re-opens the match. I actually had high hopes for this one. I hope she accidentally hit the wrong button and realizes it soon when she starts wondering why she hasn’t gotten a reply from me.

It also is a weird feeling to see someone you know in person on an online dating site. Eharmony only shows you people that it thinks are good matches so you only see a small percentage of the people registered. Last week, 2 people I know from church showed up as matches for me. Laura has since closed the match, not unexpectedly, and the other one has had no action. It’s somehow weird, but then again, so is this whole texting culture. When I see an article about texting to ask out a girl and they aren’t totally turned off by this, it makes me realize that the culture of dating in America really has changed – even in the last 10 years. Isn’t texting pretty much analogous to email or facebook message, and aren’t both of those still taboo as well?